Sunday 26 October 2008

blank.

when people talk about you behind your back... you can feel their words like a fork stabbing at your lower back... brutal... yes...

someones got to let the anger run...

all of us have to make mistakes which we look back... and think... gosh... i was sooo stupid... i might regret that for the rest of my life...

and then we have the one or the other... you'll never really know whether it all went wrong until its too late now isn't it???

the cliche of being alone giving you time to think is really heartbreaking... especially when u think what ur doing is the act of a complete slut...

hence making you want to bury yourself in a truckload of work and company and never ever ever feel...

Tuesday 7 October 2008

Imagine...




I got 'poisoned' into listening to this song more carefully...

with the many references to christianity i thought it would be a song about jesus christ or something but... once i read a few forums and listened to it myself...

this was the picture painted in my head...

just imagine...



A King.


A great King, powerful if not great... So great his enemies shuddered before him.

But ironically, with great power, comes the need for great inner strength to not use it to corrupt...

A strength which he failed to muster i suppose...

So like all great Kings, our King fell... Overthrown and tossed out into the streets...

And the revolutionaries who plotted this seizure of power tell the people their old King is dead...

So our once great King listens to his own people celebrate his own 'death' and the rise of a new King while he sweeps the streets...

Now our King is no fool, and not dillusioned either i suppose... He knows he won't survive very long on the streets, he'll most probably die soon...

But even as he prays to his God for strength, courage and mercy;

He knows, looking back on his conduct as King, that he will never be admitted into 'heaven' by those who guard it...




If you look at the video I think Coldplay has tried to make the entire video look like an old painting... which is way cool actually...

As a disclaimer i know nothing about English or European history, so that depiction up there is a picture which i found... fitting... for my version of the story...

So now when i listen to this song... i just close my eyes... and IMAGINE.


p.s. I know there have been people who have said that its about themselves and their own experience with the bad side of fame... and some more about the French revolution... but i like my interpretation thank you very much and it don't have to make sense to you... just to me. :)

Friday 30 May 2008

sometimes i look back at what might have been...

today was one of those days...





you know... i can't believe i cried...

but then again... those people on the screen were living my dream...

ahhh... the road not taken...

such horrid timing when i should really be focusing on the path i did choose...




in retrospect...

i think i took the easier way out...

made everyone except myself completely happy...

to be fair i can hardly imagine my life without my present position...



i don't regret it don't get me wrong...

but there are times when i still dream...

well... you know what they say about roads not taken...

take a vacation to the other side of the wall sometimes...

might do you good...




my vacation??? hehehe... probably coming up next year in february... watch out for it!! i'm excited already!!!






taken directly from my old blog...

for days when i feel... dark...

this song was and still is my muse...




"The Sharpest Lives" by My Chemical Romance




ahhh... how darkness consumes...




Sunday 20 April 2008

87 plus one...

(edit... change of name by popular demand)




the dawn of a new era...

say hello to the Malaysian Students Society of Cardiff Committee 2008/2009...


come on people lets do this!!!

After exams la... HEHE!!

Sunday 13 April 2008

ITS A HARD KNOCK LIFE...



















Monday 7 April 2008

when i say friendship you say????

hmm??

is that a yeah i heard??? well well... i suppose the truth of the matter is that nowadays... friendships... good ones are hard to come by...

and even the good ones don't tend to stick nowadays...

but to me... that does not discount all the good times that we have shared as friends...

sure she told on you a year after...
and yes... maybe he did tell your crush that you liked him/her...

as much as these events may have marred the relationship... it does not... and will not take away the laughter and smiles once shared....


i'm not preaching forgiveness...

hell people who know me will tell you that i do not forgive easily at all...

all i'm saying is that we should always remember the times we have shared with other people... because i believe... a person... anyone who crosses paths in their lives... only if for a few seconds... will create an imprint in our paths of life...

remember that guy who told u that you had a nice butt??? (did wonders for my self asteem when i was feeling down)

and that woman who smiled at you when you gave her way at a junction??? (made you feel like you did a good deed for the day)

well...

i've met some amazing people in the past few weeks... i bet u know who you are you HUJAN darlings... ***hugggssss***

people whom i hope i'll keep in touch n stay friends with for the longest of times...

we all came from different backgrounds yet similar worlds...

but not once did that ever come in the way of us getting to know each other better...

this project (my dear ahmad shakiran & team), with or without regards to its financial positions... is.... in my eyes a success...

because it is through this project... that we all learned responsibility, friendship, kindness, respect and ambition...

i'll never forget the Easter holidays of 2008...

and i'll most definitely.. not forget all of you...





thank you. thank you all. =)

Wednesday 26 March 2008

LDR = Long Distance Relationships


people often ask me how it is we managed? why bother?

i can hardly count the amount of times i've heard the words 'too far', 'too hard', etc etc.

to most people, LDR = impossible.


well... i don't blame most people.

most people would not want to only be able to hear their partner's voice.

most people would not want to give up temptations because somewhere, 10,000km away, someone will get hurt.

most people would not want to go through the emotional torment of saying goodbye.

most people would not want to not be able to hug your loved one when he or she is hurt.

most people, would not want to feel helpless.

most people would not want to have to live life tearing whenever you see something which reminds them of him or her.

and well, i suppose most people would not want to have to stare at couples on the street and feel that pinch of jealousy.


However, i guess most people have not yet been lucky enough to find a person special enough to take this chance with.

And i suppose, most people will not have loved enough to not want to let go despite the hardships.


I'm not being arrogant, nor am i putting down the average jane/joe.

All i am doing is offering an explanation, however cheesy or corny it may sound, to the existence, and survival, of the small percentage of LDRs in this world.


I hope, my dear friends, that this answers your question(s).

Goodnight.

Monday 24 March 2008

panic attacks. when little insecurities become real issues.



i've never been one for consistency. or disciplined routines for that matter.

i know, not a very clever way to lead life but thats the way it always has been.


perhaps its these inconsistencies which lead to the way i am feeling right now.

trivial? maybe to you. it was to me. but not any more.


what if... something you've known your whole life. whole 20 years of your life. suddenly dissipates in the course of.... oh i don't know... 11 months? a year??

and not having the discipline to maintain what you've had for the perhaps 19 years before that, you just let it slide... attributing it to a change in environment, perhaps a little meat to the bones so to speak is not a bad thing.

but when one day... one random day in that 20 plus years of your life. you take a step and realize what you had is now in the past. and you're left with this new image. and in today's modern society, a negative image of yourself.

and as this hits you, there's a tidal wave of guilt as well as disbelief and betrayal by your own system which hits at the very same time...

and the next thing you know... you're shivering... the man you love is telling you to calm down while you experience sobbing like you've never had before...

ridiculous. you think to yourself. a little bit on the side isn't going to stop him from loving you. or more importantly change the person that you are today.


but yet... you know. your thoughts and your person will never be the same again. the self confidence that you had so confidently 3 weeks ago. now severely shaken. and why? through your own personal mental torment.


why am i writing this down? well...


its because i want to remember this day.

these thoughts in my head.

and perhaps... with the help of a certain very appreciated someone.

i will look back on this day. and feel proud that i did something to overcome this.


but more than anything.

its not everyday that A NEW INSECURITY IS BORN.

and god bless me but insecurities are the only children of mine whom i will only be too glad and too proud to personally murder.

and as dark as the last sentence is. i bet everyone out there feels the same way.

Monday 17 March 2008


DWEEEMMMMM GUURRRLLLL....


Next day Bosan lagi... So...

I now present to you.



The Bunny awards for Malaysian Dream Girl Auditions 2008:

1. 'I'll be misunderstood' Bunny



Kenny: Has anyone ever taken photos of you before?

Cindy: Actually i have this friend.. He err.. bring in MASSAGE CHAIR from china!! you know.. the people sit and...

Jimmy: Yes we know what a massage chair is!

Cindy: So yeah i was the face --- the chair.

Jimmy: WHHHAATTT??? **LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH**

Kenny: How can your face be on the massage chair i don't understand.

Cindy: Face for!!!!

Jimmy: ***LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH***


Congratulations Cindy!!!

For that you've won yourself bunnyhop passes to Robbie William's Concert to watch Robbie make out with some chick while singing Misunderstood while you get carried away by his bodygaurds cuz they just didn't believe you when you told them you wanted to ask him how he writes a song about being misunderstood on national television and makes money out of it.

2. 'I'm a Barbie Girl' Bunny



Doll face, Blue eyes (contacts), too much make-up (according to the judges laa), Boobs, and legs...

Minus the blonde hair.

Congratulations Giselle! You've won the 'I'm a Barbie' Bunny Award!!

Now for this award you've earned yourself a pink sports car complete with stereo which plays only your team song by 'Aqua'!!! Use it to drive you and Ken around till he gets sick and tells you he wants a divorce. Hey, the managers from Barbie's promotional company called for it. Not me!!

3. 'Honesty' Bunny


Honesty.. is such a lonely wordd...

Alison: "I am a bit different.. ... Very confident... And just out to have a bit of a laugh... And....

I NEED A NEW CAR... so..."

So Alison... 'Honesty' Bunny is yours!!!

For winning this prize... You get mummy's praise... And a scholarship to Harvard Law School. Someone's gotta teach you to lie hun.


4. 'I'm a bitch... I'm a... no just the Bitch part goes' Bunny

Kenny: Interesting outfit.

Mohd... : Thanks!!

Kenny: Thats not a compliment...

DOOHHH!!!



The hands on the hips were the first sign.

The moment you got all defensive when Kenny said your Jacket was ugly (ya think??!!??)...
Thats when the flashing neon lights spelling the word "BITCH" with an arrow pointed towards you switched on... "Why should I wear it for other people's opinion?? (huh??) I'm here!!"

righhtt..

For this award you win.

NOTHING.
BAH...


5. 'U-G-L-Y!!! YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI' Bunny

i'm sorry la... but the minute you walked in with that gum in your mouth... i already made up my mind...

from the oily complexion to the dry hair and the horrid dressing...

if that wasn't enough. You tried to 'pose' like a 'model'.



............

its my great displeasure to announce that you...

Are have officially won the 'U-G-L-Y' Bunny.

You don't need to win these... You need to go get yourself a bunch of lady magazines. Learn how to ACT like a lady/girl/.... not you. and stop watching television.


LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

6. 'So Irritating' Bunny

And... i'm sure alot of you who watch this know who this award goes to...






DRUMMRROOOLLLL....










Hey I'm sure Elaine would agree.. Did you realize how pissed she was at you??!!?

Look Kenny, i love reading your blog. I think its hilarious...

and i really appreciate the type of 'guy on the street' judgment you're trying to hold in this competition...

BUT...

i got quite annoyed with you by the end of the show...

the lack of professionalism as a judge kinda made me cringe...

and yes... i agree... every reality tv show needs a brutally honest judge on the panel...

Honey...

Tone down la ok???


For this award... You get to bask in the glory of being the 'Simon Cowell' of Malaysian Dream Girls 2008... **BEEPPP**


*********************************************************************************

And thus ends the bunny awards this time around...

Let me say again that these awards are based on my personal opinion and you are very much welcomed to disagree with me.

So long! Farewell! auf Wiedersehen & good night all!!!
CHECK CHECK!!!

hello hello...

ok siap!!


alrighty... all systems go!!

first of all... let me just say that whatever i write on this blog...

if i may intentionally or unintentionally insult anyone...

if i hurt anyone out there...

i'm sorry.

tapi...

ITS MY BLOG KAN??!!!!??

WAKAKAKAKA!!! I SUKA I TEMBAK LA!!!


lalalala...

now thats out of the way...


lets go!!!


Episode 1 & 2 :


i watched these a while back... but went back to skim through them for the purpose of this post...
OMFG...

i realized...

i hardly watched the first episode at all!!!

tau kenape tak???

1st Contestant:

"I'm wearing glasses cuz i didn't wear my contacts"

OK THANKS BYE.

FOORRWWAARRRDDD.....





NAAHHHH...




"This one Bollywood style! My mother made for me."

Oh did she?? Aww.. Sho Shweeettt... Really.

But NEXT!!!


WHHOOOAAA...

*BLINK BLINK*

she tall...

People... meet Adeline..

Those of you who follow the show will probably know that she did make it through in the end.

FIRST IMPRESSION:
CAN-A YOU SPEAK-A IN THE ENG-GE-LISHY???




Dude in red shirt: "So what do you think your chances are in this competition?"

Adeline: "Err... my chances arr?? My height."



right.

Adeline has the body of a model. Although at the time i didn't think she really had the face for one.

Stereotypical.

Good skin. TALL. Skinny.

There ya go.

Judges couldn't be too picky looking at the choices they had before this.

So. DUH! Masuk.


OK. At this point. I was bored. And believe me. If I were to go through all the contestants with you, you'd be bored too...

Hats off. Goodbye.

Go to sleep.
The rarebit is BACCKKK!!!

woohhoo!!! the rarebit is screaming from her current residence in windy windy Wales!!!

Shall keep this short and simple... i'm bored.

there's nothing to do at night except watch online TV & study...


being the ever so dilligent bunny hop that i am...

studying is ever so neglected to do more interesting things...


by interesting i mean....





WATCHING MALAYSIAN DREAM GIRL!!!


i can almost literally hear the readers go 'chieehh'

*in her best cinapek slang*

"aiiiyyaaa... you can wait o nottttt??? i tell tell you why la... shhh!!! come here come here... aiiiyyaaa lai laaaa ni shi bu shi pa wo hui yao diao ni de tou maaahhhh???? lai lai lai!!!"

"you know write... if right... you watch malaysian dwweeeeaaammm girrrlll rrriigghhttt... and then aahhh... you go on the giu mehh arr??"

"INTERNET!!! hai la hai la"

"then right you go do the blogg-ggiinngg arrhhh... hhoooiii yooohhh they pay you money wann ok!!!!"

teeehhehee...

that and i'm finding all the excuses in the world not to study... =p


toodles!!!