Thursday 5 November 2009

Not good enough

Assessments are 3 weeks away... Looking at the way practice asssessments went... It all boils down to my efforts have not been good enough...

Marking my own Practice Assessments were the most painful thing I've done so far in this course... I have never in my life tried so hard for something and completely miss the mark before...

Right now i'm hovering between the borderline of competent and not competent.

NOT EFFING GOOD ENOUGH.

3 weeks.

How do I turn this around?

Sigh...

Sunday 1 November 2009

Time is of the essence

has it really been that long since i last blogged??? wow... amazing... A summer has come and gone and I am now back in the UK doing the Bar Vocational Course... and it seems that life has turned itself on its head... so many things are different... yet some remain the same...

I still love Leo Chambers with all my heart... I miss my dogs and my family... I am still very protective over my friends and little cousin... and I still act like a child when i have an outlet and still lose my head when i'm stressed out (which i regret later)...

But yet... I have never worked so hard in a course in my entire life... I have never experienced a workload this intense... I have never been this consistent... Nor have I ever been so afraid to miss a class or fall behind... No longer am I satisfied with mediocre grades and no longer do I want to be the girl who's excellent at last minute work... No longer do i guard myself from hurt but give my heart to him and only him... Never have I felt like I had so much to lose if this does not work out... And never have I wanted to belong to a person more than I do to him now... Never, until today, have I truly understood the pressure of needing to find a job... and never have I been willing to compromise with what I believe I am capable of in order to survive... until now...

Is this growing up??? Is this maturity??? The steady progression of one's life???

I think I'm pretty lucky... And i don't know what I did to deserve it... Funny for a person who doesn't really believe in luck... Therefore, I'm going to try to earn it... Every single bit of luck that I have had or get in the future... I'm going to try my best to make sure I do indeed deserve all of it.

XoXo
Kirsty.